He’s got the ‘Right Stuff’

“Never sit opposite Gregg when eating,” laughed Harry. Bill looked puzzled and Harry continued “You get more food on your face than you have on your own plate.” Bill took his friend’s advice and soon realised at the next mess dinner that what Harry had said was true. A few days later Harry shook his head and said, “Never, lend Gregg any money as you’ll never see it again.” Again, this advice proved to be true as he heard several of his friends moaning that Gregg never repaid his debts. Some weeks passed and when he next met Harry, he heard him say quite casually, “Never trust Gregg with your girlfriend, sister, mother or even your grandmother.” Bill was taken aback at this very odd statement but was even more shocked when he heard that Gregg had an affair with David’s mother and Jim’s rather young-looking grandmother. Bill laughed at the antics of this rogue and was relieved he had never introduced Gregg to his sister.

When he next saw Harry, he was told, “Never, buy anything off Gregg. It’s bound to have been stolen or it’s a fake that he’s selling as the original.” Bill looked at his watch and knew his suspicions regarding its authenticity were very likely true. A few months later Harry had returned from a holiday with this wife and was smiling when he met Bill and said, “Never trust Gregg with backing you up when you’re in a tight spot.” Bill looked concerned and Harry told him that he had gone playing golf with Gregg and some friends and had asked him not to tell his wife. “Blow me the bugger tells her straight away where I’d been because he wanted to change the subject when my wife had asked him about his girlfriend’s pregnancy. The very girlfriend that he dumped as soon as he heard that she wanted to keep the baby.” Bill looked angry that anyone could shirk such an important and powerful responsibility and made up his mind to speak to him straight away. “So, where’s Gregg now and what’s he doing?” he asked in earnest. “Oh, you don’t know then,” replied Harry, “he’s the new member of parliament for Kensington South.”