Two Come Along At Once

A watched kettle never boils – but what about watching for a bus? Struan looked the other way for thirty seconds, though his ears remained on bus-sensing duty.

… Twenty-nine elephants, thirty elephants.

He looked back. Still no bus.

Relax, relax. It’ll be here soon. Try something else.

He closed his eyes and counted backwards from 100.

… Nineteen, eighteen, seventeen… his breathing became shallow. Sixty-four, twelve. Here comes the flying bus, and Simon Cowell’s the driver.  Something’s not right – they’ve painted the bus blue…

His head fell forward and he jolted awake. ‘Blue is all wrong...’ He stopped suddenly, aware that a girl was standing beside him.

When did she get here?

‘Whit?’ she asked.

‘Oh nothing. I was just dream— er just thinking.’

‘Whit’s wrang wi’ blue? Ah’ll have ye know this is a Primark dupe of what Princess Kate wiz wearing at the elephant charity ball last week.’

‘Nothing. Blue’s nice. Suits you. I never even noticed your dress. Sorry.’

‘So, ye’re saying ye dinnae like it?’

‘No. Your dress is lovely. It’s very blue, and it fits you nicely.’ He wasn’t sure how to respond. No girl like this had ever spoken to him before. ‘Everything is just as it should be. Super.’

Super? Probably not the right word.

‘Control yerself tiger. Stoap eyeing me up. Ah’ve got pepper spray in ma bag and an alarm, and ma boyfriend is six-two.’

‘Sixty-two? You’re younger than him then. A good bit younger, but it’s nice that you’re both happy.’

‘This is gettin’ oot o’ hand. Ye stand there perving on me and noo ye’re suggesting ah’m going oot with a pensioner. Folk like you discussed me.’

‘I think you mean folk like me disgust you. I’ve never met you, never mind talked about you.’

‘Aye, well ye’re filling yer eyeballs up noo, aren’t ye? Ma maw warned me aboot boys like you.’

The distant rumble of a diesel engine heralded safety and sanity.

‘Here comes my bus,’ he said. ‘Are you waiting for this one too?’

She turned her head towards the bus and squinted through her spider-leg lashes. ‘Naw. It isnae ma wan.’

Thank god.

‘Oh well. I hope your bus comes along soon.’

‘Gie me a look at that book afore ye go.’

Reluctantly, he handed it to her. She whisked a pen out of her bag and her two-inch nails clattered on the cover as she wrote on the first page.

She’s defaced my book.

‘Here’s ma number. Text me the morra. If ah dump my boyfriend the night ah might consider ye.  Ye've worked hard enough for it.’

She handed it back just as the bus pulled in.

‘Well goodbye then,’ he said.

‘Aye cheerio. Ye’re no’ bad looking.’ She nodded at the book. ‘For a geek.’

As the bus pulled away, he glanced at the book.

‘How am I going to explain this to the librarian?’ he muttered to himself.

The girl in the seat opposite looked at him.

‘Are you speaking to me?’ she asked.

‘Sorry, just thinking aloud.’

You wait ages for a girl to talk to you, and then two come along at once.