The Runaway Train

Ruth Timoney was an instantly forgettable middle-aged woman.

At fifty-two it seemed love and romance had forever passed her by. Then one miraculous day, at a library talk on 'The History of The Steam Train' an equally non-descript gentleman by the name of Clive, accidentally spilt some water on Ruth's skirt.

This chance moment led to an afternoon tea where they discussed their shared interest in trains. No-one was more surprised than Ruth when Clive began to court her. After a year of Sunday afternoon outings Clive proposed, and Ruth became something she had not dared to dream of - a married woman.

As Clive lived in a small terraced house close to the station and his bedroom had excellent views of the Waterloo to Weymouth line, it seemed best to make Clive's house their marital home.

Ruth's early experience in the marriage bed involved some gentle prodding and poking that happened on Saturday nights after The News. Having dome some research, and watched some day-time TV, Ruth soon realised that for her, the coveted orgasm was not happening. She had further realised that Clive's own juddering finale always seemed to coincide with the whoosh past of the Express train from London.

And then one night something went wrong.

Clive was pumping away as usual but the train was clearly late. Clive's face was growing purple, his body seemingly unable to stop. Ruth realised she would have to take charge.

She drew on all the hints and tips she had learned over the weeks and soon had their positions swapped over. Clive looked shocked at finding himself beneath his wife as she writhed and wriggled on top of him. Finally, ecstatically she found the spot. "Yes!"

Ruth was not a selfish lover though. In the absence of the Express, she continued to steam backwards and forwards chanting 'Chugga Chugga, Clackety Clack, Chugga Chugga" until finally Clive yelled "Toot Toot!" and shuddered beneath her.