The Garden You Kept Me From

Inside a badly lit room, with floorboards that creek with each step that's taken, sits two chairs and a glass table with two glasses of water, untouched and waiting. In the corner of the room sits a vase of roses, dull and dying, shrivelling up and slowly peeling away.

You walk in and sit down, she sits in front of you placing her hand around one glass and taking a sip, before placing the water back down on the table. The glass clinks and the table rattles. You take a deep breath and there it goes.

You: I'm glad you came

Mum: I don't really know why I'm here

You: I needed to let you know what's on my mind...

Mum: If I cared what was on your mind I would have vist sooner

You: I know that you don't care, you never have, but I need to ask you some questions.

Mum: Well go on, I don't have all day.

Your heart races, and you start to sweat. This is your one and only chance to pour all your emotions on the table.

You: I'm hurting mum... real bad, and you did this to me, you caused all this pain that I'm feeling now.

Mum: Don't you dare blame me for how your life turned out, you did this to yourself.

You: You left me mum... You kept bonding with me and leaving, you kept choosing men over me, you broke me.

Mum: So what? Am I not meant to have a life of my own?

You look up, teary eyed, with a mix of emotion. You don't know whether you're sad, angry or relived to finally get everything you've been holding on to, out.

You: Four... That was the age I was when you first left me. I was scared, living with a family member that I barely knew. I cried for you every night, you never came, you never called, you never cared.

Mum: You were always a spoiled child. It's not my fault you couldn't learn to suck it up.

You: I was four! You came back when I was six as if nothing happened, made me believe that you came back for me, that we could finally have a life together, you made me believe that I could go to school and tell my friends all the cool things I did with my mum-

Mum: Stop right there. I didn't come here for a lecture. What do you want?

You: You made me feel small mum... All my life you've treated me like unwatered flowers. Just forgotten and dying, with the petals of my personality breaking away until all that's left is an empty stem.

Mum: You're being dramatic. I gave you the best years of my life. I gave you everything.

You: You stopped me from blooming to my full potential. You gave me your best years only to make my years alive the worst. I had nothing, I was barely fed, barely clothed, barley tended to. I barely existed. You made me a burden to everyone around you.

Mum: How dare you speak to me like that. I am your mother!

She raises her hand as if to slap your cheek, you hold your hand up and shout

You: MUM STOP!

She composes herself and places her hand back down, takes a sip of water, and let's you carry on.

You: That's all you've ever done. That's why I am the way I am. Too scared to speak and be myself because you've shown me that being myself causes hurt, causes abuse, causes...

Mum: Oh stop it. I'm allowed to discipline my children when they get out of line.

You: I'm not a child anymore. I've never been a child. You've never allowed me to be a child. When family members call and you mention me they get scared that they'd be stuck with me again whilst you go out and have fun for months on end.

Mum: I hope that's not what you've been telling them that I've been doing.

You: But that's what you do. That's what you chose over being my mother. I needed you, I yearned for you, and you never cared enough to love me, to want me, to... be my mum.

Mum: I don't have to listen to this. I'm done here.

You: Sit down!

Mum: You're not well, you're sick in the head if this is the portrayal you have of me. I was a great mother, you were a difficult child.

You: You were barely around to be a mother. You were a good nothing! Leave, just like you always do and always have, it's what you do best!

She stands up and walk around to your side of the table. She raises her hand once more but this time it was met with a burning sensation across your face.

Mum: You stop this right now you spoiled brat. Stop it, let these people go!

BOOM!

A loud bang fills the badly lit room with the creeky floorboards and then reality hits you.

Screams echo behind you as people duck and hide behind tables. You remember now, you're in a restaurant, holding people hostage, demanding to speak to your mother. She was meant to come in and stop you, free all the innocent people that got caught in between a garden weed and the gardener that stopped it from blossoming. Instead you'd confronted her with what you've been holding on to inside. The sirens outside wail as the sound of gunshots fired startle the officers waiting for you to give up.

You: I- I'm sorry

You look down and see your mother laying there, with a pool of red surrounding her, as if she drained the colour from the roses that were the only real thing that made it's way into your secluded world.

Mum: Y-you were always a difficult chil-

Her voice fades into nothingness as she chokes on her last words to you. You walk over to the roses and touch them. What's left of their dying leaves crumple and disintegrate between your fingers.

You: Maybe I can bloom in another life mum.

BOOM!

The world is now silent. The garden you were kept from becoming, no longer has the chance to ever bloom.