My First And Last Time

I took a deep breath. TWO months of separation. Finally, for God's sake, it was over. I was standing in front of his door. I unlocked the door with the passkey I had and entered.

"Honey, where are-"

I froze seeing the scene before me. He was kissing another girl passionately, like the fuckboy he was before me. Like the fuckboy he promised me that he won't be in the future for our sake.

His half lidded eyes opened for a moment and landed on me. He patted that bitch's arm as if asking to stop and separate.

I looked at them with a poker face and cold contempt in my eyes. The eyes are windows to the soul and that's why I had to keep them shut with coldness so that no one could climb up and enter.

"It's not what it looks like." He declared quickly, uncomfortable with the deafening silence.

I still had my poker face on and said nothing. My eyes scanned over both of their bodies.

He was breathing heavily, with lipstick smudged across his cheeks, saliva sticking to his lips, belt loosened a little too much, fear-laden eyes and slightly low-hung head.

She stood beside him with lipstick smudged across her lips very much visibly, saliva sticking to her lips too, skirt riding high above her mid thighs. she looked at me with guilt-filled eyes.

Aww poor assholes, why did you both drain your shame in the gutter?

"You know, it absolutely does not look like that you both were fucking right here, apart from attempting to practically swallow each other." My voice dripped with sarcasm.

Their eyes widened and then casted down.

With my head held high, as I carried myself to the open kitchen of his house, I freed my golden-brown hair from the claw clip, ran fingers through them, then parted them on the right. Then, I took out a wineglass from the cabinet and poured myself the sweet, blood-red, wine from the bottle kept on the spot near the sink. The same favourite wine of mine which he made me taste for the first time on our first Christmas together.

I swirled the liquid inside and then brought the glass near my lips. My eyes were on them as I took a sip. I made my way to the veranda while being in my numb state. I desperately needed some fresh air.

I settled near the railing and stared down at the busy street, a little far from his apartment, with a blank mind.

"Geez, go now..." I heard that dog whispering loudly to his bitch.

"I won't. I don't want to leave you." She whispered back.

"Oh my God! Don't you see the situation we're in? Just Go!" He whisper yelled at her.

"O...Okay..." She agreed reluctantly.

I heard the sound of heels clicking against the floor and the door being open and then shut behind.

"I'm so sorry." I didn't realise when he entered the veranda and stood near me.

"I didn't mean to do this. Please-" He cut himself off to observe if any emotion flickered across my face.

"Please say something." He said guilty.

Then, deafening silence stretched between us.

"Do you remember the chorus of the song 'Kill Bill'?" I suddenly asked him after a few moments, still staring at the busy street without blinking my eyes.

"What?"

"Let me change it for you." I said emotionlessly.

"I, I might kill my ex. Yes, the best idea. His new girlfriend next, oh why I fear...I might kill my ex, I 'did' love him though...Rather I excel, than be with a clown..." I sang with something I always regretted having-emotions. I resisted it but my voice still did crack at the end and tears formed and fell. I wiped them quickly so that he couldn't see them. I didn't mind seeing his pathetic reaction after listening to my parody of the song.

Then, I suddenly took out a knife from my pocket, pointed it towards him and then inched it closer to him, as I moved towards him, staring straight into his eyes.

"Wha, what are you doing? Pu, put that thing away from me!" He said in a loud voice, clearly anxious while stepping backwards.

So, randomly, grabbing the knife kept on the kitchen slab wasn't a bad idea after all.

I bet he could see anger in my eyes at the time.

I suddenly pointed it towards the parking lot beneath the balcony.

"You see that black porsche?" I asked him, as if checking if he was actually blind like I thought he was in lust.

"Yes!!" His eyes still managed to light up in the darkness of the situation he had created and then, he started nodding his head vigorously in excitement.

"Well, that's mine." I said flatly as I took a sip again. I withdrew my hand holding the knife. I took out the car keys and held it before him.

"That's yours??...Wow!!" He said with a childlike astonishment.

"I thought of giving that to you. But, you...made your choice." I said with a faint smile tugging at my lips.

His excitement vanished completely. His smile dropped and his eyes became dull.

"So, yes, I did kill you, not with a fucking kitchen knife, but with my success. And, now, you'll be dead for me the moment I'll step out from this hell." I said proudly.

I took the last sip of my wine and handed the glass to him.

He didn't hold it properly and dropped it dangerously close to his feet as he was frozen at his place, still recovering from his shock. The glass shattered into a million pieces just like my heart had. The same heart which I didn't want to acknowledge.

"Oh my God! What a mess you made." I said with a mocking laugh.

With that, I walked towards the kitchen, tossed the knife to its original spot and then moved towards the door, holding my middle finger to him without turning back and exited out of the graveyard.