My First Last day

Lying on the bed, lifeless as usual, I faced the ceiling, and in seconds, the cushions started soaking from the waterfall that was flowing out of my overworked eyeballs. After letting out a silent, last cry, I started pondering about the decision I was about to ambush into. The silence in the room provided the perfect medium for the thoughts I was succumbing to, to echo even louder— summoning me.

I paused—

The silence was then disturbed by a heavy, yet silent sigh. "This is it. This is the end," I said as I reflected about what I thought was life.

I then raised my head, looked around for the last time admiring the beauty of the abyss I mistook for home for years.

"Goodbye or thank you?" I asked myself as I reached for the blade. I didn't know whether to thank life for the dreadful scenery it has exposed to me for years, or mumble goodbye because I was finally moving into a new, permanent scenery.

I was now positioned. The blade was ready—sharp and shining—waiting for movement. I then stared at the blurry mirror for the last time.

[Gasp]"Who is she?" I mumbled to myself in shock from what my eyes have been exposed to. A girl. Well, a girl who is now unrecognizable – a monster. No soul. No identity. No life. She is staring at me, lifeless and distraught. Who is she?

In shock, I paused—

Now everything made no sense. Is she the same girl? The girl who used to be the loudest in the room? The one who brought smiles to everyone coming into her life? I was perplexed.

I then removed the blade from my wrist, and went back a little. "What happened to you? Where did it all go wrong? Is this really the end?" I , in an unexpected concerned tone, started interrogating that girl staring at me. I guess I never really saw myself from the outside; lifeless, broken , and distraught was something I never thought was visible to the world outside. At that moment, everything changed.

I didn't like the monster that was staring at me. I've been living in a dark, dreadful abyss for years, survived its monstrous milestones and I finally found a way out. "Is this the only way out?" I asked myself. I sat still for a minute. Confused, I rose up screaming, "NO. This can't be the only way out!"

At that moment, it clicked. Fresh breeze started flowing aimlessly in space, and the girl in the mirror slowly started to fade away. Everything was in my hands now, including the blade that was meant to take my life. I was then attacked by this epiphany:

I have the power to control everything. Everything was in my hands. It was up to me to continue dwelling in the abyss and get molded into an unrecognizable monster, or get up, wipe my tears, and press play on life.

I then let out a deep sigh, only this time, life was coming in.

With that, I swirled cross the room because, after so many years, I felt hope. I felt alive. I placed everything back to where it was, and while grinning like a mad woman, I, without thinking twice, decided to go outside and experience all my first times I missed out on.

Fortunately, this time my impulsivity yielded life-changing results, and for that, I was lucky enough to get a second chance at life.

Just like Oscar Wilde once said:

To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.

Existing is a must, living is a choice.