I Don't Like Heights

I don't like heights,

They give me the frights

I can't look up at all

And I once went insane

When I boarded a plane

And saw that the hostess was tall.

I feel very sick

I get giddy when I lick

A standard airmail stamp.

If I stand on a ramp

My trousers get damp.

And I rush to the nearest wall.

There's no variety to my anxiety

I can't wear high heeled boots

And I hope your intention

Is never to mention

Those dizzy fairground chutes.

Don't show me a ladder,

I've got a weak bladder.

Hot air balloons aren't very cool.

Let me thank the Good Lord

Who must have been bored

When he made me just five feet tall.