The Forgiveness

The sun shone in bright beams through the canopy of green that lay like a stitched quilt over my head, like remains of a gigantic knife stabbing through the leaves. I needed a break not just from my home, but from the world outside. I had finally reached my limit of pain, there were simply too many trials weighing me down, now I could take no more.

I knew my faith, I knew of a man named Jesus who was said to have died for me, but if He loved me so much, where was He now? Perhaps now my faith was in question. I found my fists curling at my sides in an involuntary motion, while a sudden burst of emotion was about to surface. "IF YOU ARE REAL," I screamed at the top of my lungs, "THEN WHY DID YOU LET ALL OF THESE THINGS HAPPEN TO ME?!?" I hit my knees and began to cry, my face warming from the tears.

Amidst my sorrow, the oddest thing happened, I had a realization. Whether it was my own or given to me by a higher power, I do not know. All I know is that it happened. As the tears began to cease, I thought on my own interpretation of justice. Tragedy comes to those who do wrong, and reward comes to those who labor. As I revisited this last thought I noticed something. According to the God I worship, He says that He has promised a place for us after this life, like a reward for labor.

As I tried to control my breathing, I looked around at the trees that I had taken refuge toward. That is not all, I realized. According to this philosophy, my life on earth should be nothing but trials and pain for the reward in the end, only it wasn't. I was surrounded by beauty. God had allowed happiness in my life upon following His plan, and given a beautiful world for all people to live in, along with creativity to develop new things. But He was not finished.

I stared down at the grass and thought about my own life. He had given me a beautiful boy who would peer at me with eager sapphire eyes, and the love of my life who had always been there for me even though we had often fought. He had given me the ability to feel loved and share that feeling with those around me.

I fell onto my back and watched the sky. What have I done? I thought as I examined the ongoing ocean above my head. Look at how much He has done for me already along with a promise of reward in the future, and what did I do? Blame Him for my temporary trials on this earth.

Overwhelmed by a sense of guilt, I begged the Lord to forgive me for my ignorance. I expected a sense of punishment on my mistake, but was met by something else entirely. A strong sense of peace, like and invisible, warm blanket was put around me followed by an intoxicating phrase that remained without sound. I Forgive You.......