Police Constable Ernest Blenkinsop Investigates

Friday, 1st May: Acting on information received from my informant, Ethel (codename 'Lippy') Lang, I proceeded in a Northerly direction to the premises of Happy Cornerhouse shop. I had been advised that suspicious activity was taking place there, possibly involving illegal substances.

Due to the nature of the operation, I had seconded myself to our C.I.D. department, (Coppers in Disguise, for those not familiar with the initials). I was wearing my non-regulation plastic pac-a-mac to cover up my uniform. Unfortunately I forgot that I was still wearing my constable's helmet, so the stealth element of the operation was compromised.

I burst through the shop door shouting "freeze, mother fuzzers" an expression I had picked up from an American detective show, which seemed to have a good effect against villains. Just to be clear, I added "and father fuzzers" to cover all aspects of the phrasing. The shock tactics worked and nobody moved.

I approached the counter where I had observed a transaction taking place, money was being exchanged for some unknown substance wrapped in a cardboard tube.

"Right, what's all this then?" I called out in the official assertive police tone, as taught to me at Hendon Police Training College. I confiscated the tube and tipped out the contents. White powder spilled out onto the counter.

"It's sherbet dabs" said the man behind the counter.

"So, that's what they are calling heroin now, is it?" I ventured.

I examined the tube, which had the word 'Trebor' written on it. Obviously this was some kind of criminal code word - I noted that Trebor is Robert spelt backwards. Maybe this Robert character is the Mr Big for illegal substances in this town. I was definitely on to something here - the Top Cop of the Month Award was within my grasp.

I arrested both the alleged dealer and the alleged customer. Confiscated their stock of tubes, and took everything back to the station. Suspects were booked in and banged up in the cells awaiting trial.

The desk sergeant called me over on the way out:

"Oh, it you, Blenkinsop. I didn't recognise you in that plastic pac-a-mac. Well done, that man". He reached under the desk, looking furtively from side to side. "Here, care for a sherbet dab?"