Id Do it Again

“Do you know that feeling?” Clancy couldn’t help herself from laughing; she had to cover her mouth. “You know, when you do something? Like, when you do something, you shouldn’t?” She tried to calm herself. “Sorry, that was sort of rude.” Clancy leaned in. “What I’m trying to say is I shouldn’t have done what I did, but I’d do it again. Isn’t that funny?” She smiled. “Okay, it’s like cheating on your boyfriend; you shouldn’t have done it, but you did, and now that you did do it, I think I speak for most: you want to do it again.” She took a sip of her coffee as she closed her eyes. “No, I didn’t cheat on anyone; I am celibate, self-celibate.”

The woman giggled. “I know I’m weird; you don’t have to tell me. It’s what makes me different from all the other girls, you know? Sets me apart from the blondes and brunettes.” Clancy paused for a moment. “I really hate blondes; I hate those stupid fucking bitches, those whore-ass bitches, with their matcha and their stupid, retarded clothes. Look at me! I’m so unique, right?” She rolled her eyes. Clancy was silent for a long time, staring across the table. “My mother raped me, yeah, when I was six. I hate the smell of tobacco; you smell a bit like tobacco, but I don’t hate you. How could I hate you?”

“Look at me ramble on! I haven’t even introduced myself. I’m Clancy Joy McAlister; we went to the same university at one time. Of course, you might find it a little different than when we last met, considering you’re a little thinner, no offense.” She grinned. “Tell me about yourself. How much do you make for a living?”

“Interesting, not a lot, but that’s okay; I don’t mind talking to poor people. Trust me, I go some nights eating ramen too.” She flicked the ceramic mug. “At least you didn’t have to rub your cousins off when they came over, right? Yeah, I’m okay.”

“What do you mean? Obviously, it’s relevant.” She huffed, returning to her smile soon after. “Did you know I’m a witch? Cool, right? Yeah, my father would beat me with a curtain pole. Around the time that I was six, I liked watching Harry Potter a lot. Clancy took another sip of her coffee. “I guess it goes without saying that you shouldn’t do something if it’s going to get you in trouble but look at me! I had great role models, huh?"

She wiped the coffee off of her lips. “Are you scared of anything?” she asked. “I’m scared of God, or the idea of one. Like, what if I’m not good enough to get into heaven, right? Of course, I would no doubt be in heaven, right?”

Clancy was quiet for a long time, staring across the table. “I feel like we used to have a deeper connection, but if I’m being honest, I never could hear you. I know I shouldn’t have; that wasn’t the way my parents raised me, but I can’t help but feel a bit of regret. I love you so much.”

“Your clothes, your voice—I idolized you, and when I worshipped you, well, you cast me out of heaven. I hope we can still be friends.” Clancy stared down at her ceramic mug. “I remember you used to let me wear your shoes. I pleasured myself to the smell of them, and when you let me stay over at your house that one time because a friend of a friend let me come, I was the one who stole your phone.”

“And then you got married. You had to go off and get married. You should know a thing or two about doing things you shouldn’t have.” She sneered. “I’m sorry, I’ve been rude, very rude. Let’s talk about other things.”

“I had a dog once; his name was Lily. Can you guess who I got that from?” She giggled. "I loved Lily; he was a good dog. I fed him, and I gave him water, you know, everything a dog needs.”

“Well, Lily got into some rat poison. You know I was into science stuff when I was in university, so of course I knew it was batrachotoxin. I called poison control, and they laughed. Laughed. Well, I don’t need to tell you much else, do I?”

She stopped smiling. “I’m sorry.” She looked across the table. “I was more of a cat person anyway. Goddamn, I hate the smell of tobacco.” She furrowed her eyebrows. “This makes me sick, talking about this.”

“You need to quit smoking; it’s bad for your lungs. Stop being stupid.” She chided, then smirked, then laughed, “Oh my God, you should have seen your face.” She then sat in silence; her coffee cup was empty. Then she looked at the time. “Well, I guess I should just wrap it up, seeing that I have to get home. I’m really sorry; I feel really bad for everything. I know I shouldn’t have done what I did, but it's all your fault, really. You could have run off with me, and we could have been together forever, but you went and married that cook, that stupid fucking cook. I loved your hair and your red lipstick, fuck. If I can’t have you, he can’t either.” Clancy stood up. “I love you; I wish things could have turned out better.” She grabbed the baggie with the powder. “I do, Lily. I’ll make sure you get to see your babies too. And you and I can take care of them. Remember? Just two single wine aunts, right?”

“Sorry.” Clancy said, taking her bag with her as she exited the apartment. The air conditioning kicked on as she left, blowing more cold air into the already cold room. Lily didn’t say anything as Clancy left; the corpse was still, locked in place in a permanent look of shock. Her blonde hair blew as the air from the air conditioning hit her.