Ghosted

Hello, how are you?

Three weeks later…
Happy birthday!

Three months later…
Hope you’re doing okay, long time no see!

Three years later…

I wonder if you’ve changed your number. I wonder if you’ve forgotten the passwords of your social media accounts and I wonder if you’ve moved away. There must be an explanation as to why my messages are left unread. Or read but unanswered. Maybe someone stole your phone. Maybe someone removed my number as a joke and you don’t know it off by heart.

But you should still remember me. Maybe you’ve had a brain injury, or memory loss, or amnesia, or simply been too busy to keep up with any of your friends. You must have been responding to someone else with the same name as me and thinking it was me instead, not quite connecting the dots that it isn’t. You might have been planning to surprise me with a love-filled message that I missed or got lost in the ether of the internet. You might miss me as much as I miss you.

Or…

It’s none of those things.

You’ve still got the same number. You do know your passwords, and you still live in the same flat beside the park we walked side-by-side in so many times. You’ve seen my name flash up on the top of your screen and rolled your eyes, not even thinking I deserve the effort of you opening the message. Or, worse, you’ve read the message and sighed, exasperated, disappointed that it’s only me sending my enthusiastic questions and statements. Nobody stole your phone. You might have removed my number or just taken my name off of your favourites list and instead put me in between a despised co-worker or a distant cousin you’ve only met a handful of times. You won’t know my number by heart.

There’s no memory loss, amnesia or a brain injury, you do remember me vaguely as someone you used to care about. There may be another person with my name, but you’ll have actively made sure you respond to them instead of me, my name falling lower and lower on your list of messages. Love-filled messages never get lost on the internet. If you would have sent one, I would have received it. You don’t miss me. You’ve moved on. You’ve found someone better.

I haven’t.

You still are my best friend.

You left me behind

What do I do now?