Fine As He Is

Fine as he is
By Edward Blades

Rob saw two seats together in the middle of the waiting room, and he pulled Kieran towards them.

‘Sit there and keep quiet,’ said Rob. It was Kieran’s first trip to the dentist, and he’d talked about it for days, asking about drills, needles and fillings.

‘This is great fun, Rob,’ he said. ‘Mum never brought me here because she didn’t want to see me suffer.’

‘Maybe,’ said Rob. ‘Pity she didn’t protect you from Joe the Psychopath.’

Kieran was quiet for a few moments. ‘What’s a psychopath?’

‘It’s someone who hurts people, a person with no conscience.’

‘Will the dentist fall asleep?’

‘What are you on about?’

‘Dentists hurt people so he’s a psychopath, and you said he might not be conscious.’

‘Conscience, idiot. It means knowing what’s right and wrong,’ said Rob. ‘And if the dentist hurts you, it’s for your own good.’

‘Uncle Joe used to say that the things he did were for my own good, and then he’d give me twenty pence.’

‘I know, wee man. But he’s gone now,’ said Rob, briefly pulling his brother towards him and tousling his hair.

‘Is he gone or is he dead?’

‘Makes no odds to him now.’

‘But Mum’s gone, and you said she wasn’t dead. You said she’s in the faraway hospital like a hotel with men in white coats. And no drinking.’

‘Mum’s fine, now be quiet.’

‘Rob,’ whispered Kieran. Unfortunately, his whispers were louder than his usual quiet voice. ‘Is that woman all right? She looks scared.’

The woman stared at Kieran. ‘I’m nervous about seeing the dentist, that’s all.’

Rob apologised, but Kieran was undaunted. ‘Why does the dentist make you nervous? He’s got pliers and big drills and needles the size of chopsticks. You’ll be able to see how it all works.’

The woman stared at Rob. ‘Your child is out of control.’

Rob reddened. ‘I’m sixteen. I’m not his dad; I’m his brother.’

‘You should get his father to have a word with him,’ she said.

‘We don’t know who my real dad is,’ said Kieran. ‘Could be any number of contestants, Gran says. But Rob gave me half his dad, so he’s my half-dad and Rob’s my half-brother.’

Rob told Kieran to be silent for five minutes. He managed three.

‘Robbo, I was wondering…’ That opening was a sign that something unusual was coming. ‘… It’s fifteen centimetres from my jaw to the back of my neck. If I get an injection, will the needle come out the other side?’

A girl about five started to cry. Rob mumbled sorry to the child’s father, who stared back as he spoke to his daughter. ‘Don’t worry, Mia. Needles aren’t that long. That boy’s not quite right.’

‘He’s fine as he is, mate. He’s just different,’ said Rob, his voice a bit lower.

‘Yeah, and Rob’s fine too, mate. He’s just got a lot to put up with,’ said Kieran.

‘Aye, you,’ said Rob.