False Friend

False Friend

Jane and I were dancing when I spotted Sam. Jane nudged me. ‘Ask him to dance, go on you know you want to.’ I blushed and shook my head vigorously. At that moment he walked over. I pretended I hadn’t noticed. I laughed too loud and carried on dancing with Jane and a couple of the other girls. All of a sudden out of the corner of my eye I realised Jane had broken away from the group and was talking to Sam. I felt tears sting my eyes. I made my excuses and went to get a drink. As I came out of the kitchen there they were. His mouth on hers, her hands around his neck. They were oblivious. Blindly I stumbled upstairs to get my coat. How could she? Jane knew how I felt about Sam. 

As I edged towards the door Nicola called, ‘Don’t go, it’s early. Come and dance.’

It was Nicola who introduced me to Al. By the end of the evening I felt a lot better and it was thanks to Al that I ended up dancing with Phil, one of the boys in our group. Phil was always slightly aloof and I always felt that he was out of my league. But not tonight. Our dancing became more extravagant until at last someone put on some slow music. I can’t remember what it was now but Al encouraged me to reach up and kiss Phil who kissed me right back. Sam was forgotten, Phil and I were an item.

Over the years friendships came and went but Al was always there. Supporting me through life’s ups and downs. Al was there the night Phil and I broke up, when I cried into my pillow and insisted I’d never meet anyone else. Al was there during my accountancy exams, calming my nerves. He was there when I got my promotion, turning my achievement into something even more exciting.

Mum  warned me countless times, saying I was becoming too reliant. I always brushed it off. Mum worried about everything. When she got too much I didn’t visit for a while and when I saw her again I made sure to keep Al out of her way.

I started to question my dependence on Al after a colleagues wedding. Mum was asking me about it, my responses were vague.  She looked at me closely and said, ‘What do you remember about Flora’s wedding?'

I realised that I didn’t remember the important details like Flora’s dress. The speeches. The cake. When I thought about it. I relied on Al to blur the harsh realities of life because I had never learned to rely on myself.

Al didn’t want me to go into to that first meeting alone.

‘I must, I don’t think you’ve been helping me as much as I thought.’ I reached for the handle and opened the door.

Al said, ‘I’ll be waiting.’

And I knew, that was the problem!