A Clandestine Gardener

5 minute one act play

A Clandestine Gardener

CAST

Hazel. Age 45. Tall. Feminine. Stylish. Shoulder length curly hair. Wearing a floaty summer dress

June. Age 51. Stocky. Wearing shorts and t-shirt. Short bobbed hair.

SCENE:

Daytime

A very large bright bed sitting room on the top floor of a Victorian Villa. The décor is deep red wallpaper. Parquet flooring

Backdrop is a large open fireplace with two chesterfield chairs either side

Stage right are three arched windows with sweeping brocade curtains. A single bed lies against the wall below two of the windows and is in front of the third window is a further chesterfield armchair facing the window.

Stage left is a mini kitchen and 2 doors – one is the entrance to the room and the other to the bathroom which would be offstage

Curtain rises

Hazel is closing the door to the cupboard under the sink. There is a knock on the flat door and Hazel opens it.

June: (out of breath) Phew! Those stairs are a killer!

Hazel: And hello to you too!

(They hug)

June: (Looks around). So this is it. Your new abode.

Hazel: Yes. Home sweet home.

June: How are you finding it?

Hazel: I like it. I feel safe here.

June: But compared to your lovely house this is...

Hazel: Manageable?

June: Well yes, but to go from that big house to one room.

Hazel: Less housework.

June: Goodness aren't you Mrs Positive. I think I know what you're up to. You've sold up and given all the money to your girls haven't you?

Hazel: (laughing) None of your business.

June: You have haven't you! Children should stand on their own two feet you know - they shouldn't rely on an inheritances.

Hazel: Coffee? Or shall we have wine?

June: How will you ever manage with this tiny kitchen. Wine please.

Hazel: I think it's quaint. Look up. Skylights!

June: They'll let cold in during the winter..

Hazel. There are blinds.

June: But your old kitchen was...magnificent!

Hazel: I couldn't live in that house alone, June. It was too big.

June: (embarrassed) Sorry. I wasn't thinking.

(Hazel pours wine and hands June a glass)

Hazel: Come and look at the view. I overlook a park.

(They move to the window)

Hazel: And look there's some tennis courts. I can watch the matches from here.

June: Hah. You might see a load of kids knocking a ball about maybe. It's hardly Wimbledon.

Hazel: It's years since I played tennis. I could start having lessons again. Cheers!

(Clink glasses. They sip)

June: Sorry if I sound grumpy.

Hazel: I don't know why you are so annoyed with me.

June : I don't know either. Maybe I feel like you have shown me up.

Hazel: How?

June: Because I couldn't do what you've done. I couldn't give everything up like you.

Hazel: Let's sit down

(They move to the fireside chairs)

June: The new people have removed all the fairy doors from your garden. It doesn't look the same.

Hazel: (shrugs) It's their house now.

June: But you loved that garden!.

Hazel: I did, but I was never much of a gardener. Martin used to do the hard work. He bought all the plants. I did the ornamentals.

June: Exactly. There's nowhere for you to be creative here.

Hazel: There's a rooftop terrace I could use if I wanted to sit outside. It's shared between all the flats.

June: Not the same as having your own space though is it.

Hazel: I'll get used to it.

.June: If you say so, Mrs Positive. How are you coping without Martin. Emotionally I mean.

Hazel: I'm okay. The girls are still a bit wobbly.

June: You know I never knew Martin had heart problems.

Hazel: I only found out a few months before he died. (pause) What do you think of the fireplace?

June: Very characterful. Is the chimney open?

Hazel: Yes. I'll be able to have a log fire in winter.

June: Oh. I wouldn't want to be carrying logs up those stairs!

Hazel: I'll get them delivered. Let someone else do the graft.

June: Messy though, aren't they, real fires.

Hazel: I think it's worth it for the sound of crackling wood and the smell of the embers.

June: Maybe it's easy to be positive with all that money in the bank. Don't you worry that people can see where you sleep?

Hazel: Not at all.

June: I think I'd find it a bit intrusive.

Hazel: Did you know that royalty and the aristocracy never had corridors. All the bedrooms were interconnecting.

June: Philistines

Hazel: They thought it was perfectly normal. Anyway, tell me what you have been up to. How's George?

June: He's the same. We had dinner with the Carters last weekend. Ron got a bit loud as usual. You know what he's like. Have you got someone to give you financial advice? Ron might be irritating but he's a good broker I think. I expect you got a good insurance pay out didn't you? as well as all the money from the house?

Hazel: Would you like some nuts or crisps?

June: A few crisps please.

Hazel goes to the cupboard and fills a bowl. Sits back down.

June: I'm sorry if I keep reminding you about Martin. It's just that I read somewhere that people who are grieving often want to talk about their loved one. They get annoyed if no-one mentions them.

Hazel: I don't mind talking about him. Funny expression that, isn't it. Loved One.

June: I've never thought about it. (pause) I'm not sure I'd call George a loved one any more. I'm fond of him and we rub along together... but love?

Hazel: How are James and Ellis?

June: They're doing well. I don't hear much from them these days. There's me going on about your big house and now I'm admitting my boys rarely come home.

Hazel: That's good...shows they are independent.

June: Or they don't like me. (laughs) Oh listen to me. I don't want to get maudlin.

Hazel: More wine? Or coffee?

June: Coffee, thanks. I'll have to be thinking about getting dinner for George soon. Such a faff isn't it … what to have for tea. At least you don't have to worry about that now. You can eat what you like when you like. I expect you could afford to eat out every night if you wanted.

(Hazel gets up and moves to the kitchen area to prepare coffee)

Hazel: Actually June. I have very little money.

June: What?

Hazel: You see I had to sell my lovely house as you call it. I don't want to go into the ins and outs but there were debts. Bad investments Martin said.

June: But..

(June stands up and comes over)

Hazel: So yes June I do miss my lovely house. I do miss the magnificent kitchen. I miss my old life. I even miss Martin.(little laugh) Sometimes

(They both laugh)

June: I am so shocked. I never knew...

Hazel: Why would you? I'm glad you didn't know. It's so shameful.

June: No. No it's not. I feel awful now going on about the money.

Hazel: I also miss living next door to you.

June: We had some good times didn't we? Dinner parties...

Hazel: Ladies who lunch parties.

June: Christmas Cracker-making with the kids

Hazel. PTA meetings

June: Wine parties.

Hazel: Any excuse for a party

June: Arguments

Hazel: Debates not arguments!

June: Well recollections may vary as The Queen once said.

(Both laugh. A few seconds silence. They sit down again with coffee)

June: Is it really true? No money at all.

Hazel: There was the insurance like you said but once the mortgage was paid off and I'd bought this place there wasn't much left.

June: So are you saying that if Martin hadn't died...

Hazel: Quite. I don't know what would have happened to us.

June: Well that was very fortunate. For you, I mean.

Hazel: It was wasn't it. (pause) There are sun beds on the roof top. Would you like to go up?

June: I'm okay here. This room is growing on me.

(June looks thoughtfully at Hazel)

June: Hazel...The new people said they found foxgloves at the back of your garden.

Hazel: Oh? Is that good or bad? I don't know very much about plants.

June: Bad. They dug them up. Destroyed them. Poisonous apparently.

Hazel. I wouldn't know about that. Like I said, I left all the gardening to Martin.

June: Particularly for people with heart conditions, they said.

Hazel: Best they've got rid of them then.

June: The sap contains digoxin apparently. If any of it had accidentally got into Martin's mouth it could have been fatal. I can't think why Martin would ever have planted them.

Hazel: That is strange, isn't it?

(They look directly at each other over their cups. June stands up and walks to the window)

June: It is a lovely view, I'll give you that. You could people watch all day here.

Hazel: I probably will.

(Pause)

June: I didn't tell them anything. The new people. About Martin and his heart.

Hazel: Why would you? There's nothing to tell.

June: Of course there isn't. (pause) You're right about the tennis, you know. Looks like some kind of tournament setting up.

(Hazel goes to window. June drains her cup)

Hazel: I'm glad they're all wearing whites. Looks so much more 'tennissy' doesn't it?

June: You could trust me. If you, you know...

Hazel: June! Are you asking me if I popped Martin off!

June: Did you?

Hazel: No! He was ill. He died. That's all there is to it.

June: Of course. Ignore me. Sorry. I think it was the neighbours and all that talk about hearts and flowers.

Hazel: June, I have no idea what a foxglove even looks like.

June: I know. Sorry. Am I forgiven?

Hazel: Of course. We'll laugh about this one day. By the way, I should have asked earlier, what are they like, the new people.

June: Pleasant enough. Retired. No children. They play bridge.

Hazel: Enough said.

(Both laugh. June checks her phone)

June: Goodness. It's gone four o clock. I ought to go.

Hazel: Time flies...

June: It's been lovely seeing you again.

Hazel: Yes it has . We could go out to lunch next time if you like.

June: Good idea. (pause) I do like your home, Hazel. I really hope you enjoy living here.

Hazel: Thank you. I'm sure I will.

June: And I'm sorry for being so bull in a china shop about the money.

Hazel: It's forgotten.

(They hug and say goodbye. June leaves)

Hazel closes the door.

Humming, she washes up the coffee cups and wine glasses. Then from under the sink takes out a trowel, gardening gloves, gardening hat and a bushy plant and heads out of the flat.

Curtain falls

End of play